WHO – needs a Nintendo ‘brain trainer’? A study has shown that you get as mush benefit by simply doing a crossword. Clue: a product that is overpriced, esp. one that is inferior or an imitation (3,3)
WHAT – kind of pet have the Obamas settled on for the White House? A Portuguese water dog; apparently, its Barack is worse than it Barite.
WHEN – the NME gave awards to The Cure, Blur, Oasis and Michael Eavis, did they consider a name change to OME?
WHERE – is the city of Worcester going to be twinned with? Well, the plan is Gaza. Haven’t those poor people suffered enough?
WHY – are the ‘customers’ in the new confused.com ad so excited about the updated service? Just how much insurance are these people buying?
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
never milk the bullocks
WHO – ate all the chocs? Cadbury just posted a pre-tax profit of £550 million for 2008. They must have thought all of their Easters had come at once.
WHAT – was that outside the window during the plane ride from Argentina for Holocaust doubter Bishop Williamson? Oh yeah, flying pigs.
WHEN – people complained about Gary Rhodes misleading ad for Flora Buttery, did they also moan about the John Lydon one for Country Life? It doesn’t taste a bit like filth and fury.
WHERE – can you see Spiderman – The Musical? It’ll be on Broadway next year. Presumably, I can buy tickets on the web?
WHY – do parents keep on giving kids unfortunate names? Latest survey includes Justin Case, Barb Dwyer and Terry Bull. No kidding- there was a dentist in Nottingham called Max Twist!
WHAT – was that outside the window during the plane ride from Argentina for Holocaust doubter Bishop Williamson? Oh yeah, flying pigs.
WHEN – people complained about Gary Rhodes misleading ad for Flora Buttery, did they also moan about the John Lydon one for Country Life? It doesn’t taste a bit like filth and fury.
WHERE – can you see Spiderman – The Musical? It’ll be on Broadway next year. Presumably, I can buy tickets on the web?
WHY – do parents keep on giving kids unfortunate names? Latest survey includes Justin Case, Barb Dwyer and Terry Bull. No kidding- there was a dentist in Nottingham called Max Twist!
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
...maybe he meant Jennifer Hudson?
WHO – would know that there is a financial crisis? A collection of paintings owned by Yves Saint-Laurent have just raised over £180 Million. Proving there’s at least still some money in the Left Bank.
WHAT – are the chances that our PM will try to curry favour with the US President next week by opening his address to congress with the words “Say it loud, I’m Brown and I’m proud!”
WHEN – captain Sullenberger was being questioned about the Hudson plane crash, he revealed that his pay had been cut over the past year. Does that mean his goose was already cooked?
WHERE – are the auditions for Danny Boyle’s next film? Dancers should try out for Mumbai School Musical 2
WHY – are people upset about the BBC using a presenter with one arm as a kids TV host? On the one hand, I think its fine…
WHAT – are the chances that our PM will try to curry favour with the US President next week by opening his address to congress with the words “Say it loud, I’m Brown and I’m proud!”
WHEN – captain Sullenberger was being questioned about the Hudson plane crash, he revealed that his pay had been cut over the past year. Does that mean his goose was already cooked?
WHERE – are the auditions for Danny Boyle’s next film? Dancers should try out for Mumbai School Musical 2
WHY – are people upset about the BBC using a presenter with one arm as a kids TV host? On the one hand, I think its fine…
Monday, 23 February 2009
let me introduce you to my little friend...Oscar
WHO – would like to see an Oscar winning movie based on a different TV show? I’m hoping for Masterchef – The Musical!
WHAT – would have been wrong with the Academy rewarding Kate Winslet with an actual bottle of shampoo? Because she’s worth it.
WHEN – the camera panned down to Brangelina during Jennifer Aniston’s bit, didn’t Angelina’s face look scarier than Heath Ledger’s Joker?
WHERE – was Eartha Kitt in the ‘those who we lost’ bit? The curse of Batman?
WHY – did Frost/Nixon lose? Because they didn’t use the better title 'David does Dick'.
WHAT – would have been wrong with the Academy rewarding Kate Winslet with an actual bottle of shampoo? Because she’s worth it.
WHEN – the camera panned down to Brangelina during Jennifer Aniston’s bit, didn’t Angelina’s face look scarier than Heath Ledger’s Joker?
WHERE – was Eartha Kitt in the ‘those who we lost’ bit? The curse of Batman?
WHY – did Frost/Nixon lose? Because they didn’t use the better title 'David does Dick'.
Saturday, 21 February 2009
now that's what I call the munchies
WHO – has heard the new Rihanna single “Beaten up by my fella…ella…ella…ella?
WHAT – possessed someone to bid £14,500 on eBay for the very last Woolworths pic’n’mix bag? Please don’t smoke and surf then net at the same time.
WHEN – the fake Oscar winners list was leaked on the net, did Kate Winslet get an early start on her fake acceptance speech?
WHERE – IS the Lost City of Atlantis? And more to the point does it have any weapons of mass crustacean?
WHY – don’t they take the money from these stimulus packages and give us all a billion each? We’d by loads of pick’n’mix!
WHAT – possessed someone to bid £14,500 on eBay for the very last Woolworths pic’n’mix bag? Please don’t smoke and surf then net at the same time.
WHEN – the fake Oscar winners list was leaked on the net, did Kate Winslet get an early start on her fake acceptance speech?
WHERE – IS the Lost City of Atlantis? And more to the point does it have any weapons of mass crustacean?
WHY – don’t they take the money from these stimulus packages and give us all a billion each? We’d by loads of pick’n’mix!
Friday, 20 February 2009
the emergency exits are being texted to you now
WHO – else is worried that the proposed musical item at the Oscars featuring the casts of Mama Mia and High School Musical together may be slightly more camp than ‘Milk’?
WHAT – is the likelihood that a Chinese dignitary may actually swallow their tongue trying to say the words “Welcome Hillary Clinton”
WHEN – you first use your mobile phone on a RyanAir flight, will you be tweeting like a bird?
WHERE – can you get a pirate copy of Mutiny On The Bounty?
WHY – is there a hairdresser near me called The Best Gents Barber 2?
Surely Number 1 is the best? This is like when Delia Smith did a sequel to ‘How to Cook’. You’d think the first book would cover it all.
WHAT – is the likelihood that a Chinese dignitary may actually swallow their tongue trying to say the words “Welcome Hillary Clinton”
WHEN – you first use your mobile phone on a RyanAir flight, will you be tweeting like a bird?
WHERE – can you get a pirate copy of Mutiny On The Bounty?
WHY – is there a hairdresser near me called The Best Gents Barber 2?
Surely Number 1 is the best? This is like when Delia Smith did a sequel to ‘How to Cook’. You’d think the first book would cover it all.
Thursday, 19 February 2009
when one status update just isn't enough
This is the first of what I hope will become a regular feature. Not a blog, as such, but a few (almost) daily questions about our evermore befuddled world. It's a simple formula; just these 5 question headings to lead off rational or otherwise thoughts. Feel free to comment or add your own!
WHO – would like to see MY stimulus package?
WHAT – was the lead singer of U2 doing without his shades? The eye make-up is more Bonobo than Bono!
WHEN – they give Abu Qatada his ‘Belmarsh compensation’, will they really punish him by making him invest in Allen Stanford?
WHERE – were you the night Duffy peaked?
WHY – is Peter Mandelson in trouble for a four-letter outburst about Starbucks? Don’t we all use that word every time we see how much a cup of coffee costs there?
WHO – would like to see MY stimulus package?
WHAT – was the lead singer of U2 doing without his shades? The eye make-up is more Bonobo than Bono!
WHEN – they give Abu Qatada his ‘Belmarsh compensation’, will they really punish him by making him invest in Allen Stanford?
WHERE – were you the night Duffy peaked?
WHY – is Peter Mandelson in trouble for a four-letter outburst about Starbucks? Don’t we all use that word every time we see how much a cup of coffee costs there?
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