he's just chipped his nail

WHO – would be able to live with this name? Roger Titman has severed his ties with Vodafone after being mocked by call centre operators. He’s switched carrier in protest. Glad that’s off his chest.


WHAT – do you look like? Poor old Spud the hedgehog with no spines after an illness. Maybe he should get himself down to The Treasury –plenty of pricks there.


WHEN – they raise the University fees to £7,000 does that include the bar tab?


WHERE – is the point? A guy in Finland has had a USB stick installed in his false finger, which he lost in a motorbike accident. For a price he’ll come round and stick it in your laptop.


WHY – does Otto Baxter’s mum think she’s helping? He has Downs Syndrome and his mother has announced to anyone who will listen that she’d wants him to get laid because that’s ‘normal’. Sorry, wanking is absolutely normal at 21. That’s what I kept telling myself, anyway.